Waving Primate Ryan (Goodbye!)

It was revealed today that serial irritant Ryan Finnerty is unlikely to be returning to the Sheffield Steelers, however as this has been reported in the Sheffield Star, it is to be taken with a massive pinch of salt, especially when you consider that the same bastion of truth also reported that Finnerty had turned down a contract offer from the Nottingham Panthers!

The news was met with some surprise in Nottingham, one Panthers fan said “What would we want that twatknacker for? Can’t Mark Hartley open the door?” Another said “We’ve already got Bruce Richardson, why would we want the sugar free version?” While the writer of a popular Panthers internet blog said nothing except to growl and gnash his teeth at the mere mention of Finnerty’s name! We phoned the Panthers office to ask about the contract offer but all we heard was hysterical laughter followed by a large crash as someone fell off their chair!

Meanwhile in Sheffield the reaction was one of disbelief. One fan crawled out from under a rock to say “What? Nooooooooooo, Ryan can’t go, he’s irreplaceble, if he leaves I’ll never watch the Steelers again. Come to think of it, I haven’t watched them since 2001 when they were good!” Coach Dave Matsos was keeping his cards very close to his chest. He said “Well, you know eh, I do whatever Mike tells me to eh” GM Mike O’Connor was unavailable for comment, apparently having trouble with some wood and puppet string! A Steelers spokesman did say “Tha’ nahs nowt! Being of proper Yarkshire stock we decided t’wait for Finnerty t’drop his wage demands, the greedy get! Now t’lads willin’ t’tek a hefty pay cut, he’ll come back a bloody ‘ero, ‘specially since he told them darn road t’bollocks!”

Ryan Finnerty was unavailable for comment, he is in North America looking for a club!


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