Originally published in The Cat’s Whiskers issue #3 September 2001

SPECIAL REPORT – taken from the Shuffield Stir, 3rd July 2001

An astonishing twist in the Sheffield Steelers ownership saga was revealed today as yet another group of dissident supporter came forward.

Associated Sheffield Steelers Hellbent On Lossing Everything Society (ASSHOLES for short) say they are not backing any bid by Norton Lea or CJS, but want to be in a league all by themselves!

A spokesman explained “The Steelers are the most important team in the history of British ice-hockey ever, full stop. We are far too important to play other inferior teams in this country, so we propose to set up the ‘Steelers League’ which will only have one team in it, the mighty Sheffield Steelers. let’s face it, when it comes to playing with ourselves we are number one, said we are number one.”

David Simms was reported to be very interested in joining the new group. He said “I’d love to be an ASSHOLE, in fact I’m sure I’ll be one of the biggest ASSHOLES ever!”

Steelers fans have also backed the move. One said “It’s a great idea, this way we’re able to be Grand Slammers every season without breaking the wage cap like we normally do!” Another fan added “I suppose in some way or another all Steelers fans have been ASSHOLES for a very long time!”


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